


Not Bees

by Darth_Nonie



Series: Animalia for AtlinMerrick [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Explicit Language, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 20:19:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4113624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Nonie/pseuds/Darth_Nonie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AtlinMerrick sent me a third prompt before I'd decided to stick with animal themes. This was the result.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Bees

Sherlock adjusted the magnification on the scrap of broken toenail to get a closer look at the intriguing scrape marks ( _accidental or manufactured?_ ) and barely registered John's presence and the almost soundless click of his phone.

Likewise, he ignored whatever the man was saying, although the grumbly voice always made the place feel a bit less empty, until the last word caught his attention:

"—bees?"

"What?" said Sherlock, and refocused his eyes as his head came up.

"I said," John began, as if Sherlock hadn't just _asked_ him to repeat what he said, which made such an introductory phrase entirely unnecessary, but a brief examination of John's tone at least made it clear the man was as much amused as exasperated, so Sherlock didn't have to worry about things being hurled about and damaging his current experiments).

"I said," ( _O John, must you be_ doubly _redundant?_ ) "What in the name of Hannibal's bloody piles are magic water bees?"

Sherlock blinked. "Bees have not been used in any stage magician's performance on record, and even you must know that real magic does not exist." ( _John_ did _know that, didn't he?_ )

"Tell that to my sister," John said darkly. "She's stuck at home with a sprained ankle and Clara will be stopping by to visit her this evening, so Harry urgently needs me to pick up magic water bees."

Sherlock's eyebrow was just beginning to rise when John responded ( _Oh, good; even_ you _can learn to think a bit_ ) with an exasperated, "No, Sherlock, she's not snonkered; just anxious."

Sherlock smiled fondly at him for a moment before remembering his neglected microscope. "Look it up," he said with a dismissive wave of his hand and turned back to the optic.

Annoyingly, John was still talking. "In what?"

Sherlock rolled his eyes. "Online, John. If you haven't the courage to call your sister back and ask her, any basic search engine should do."

John's resultant huff could be safely ignored, so Sherlock increased the magnification to examine a bit of keratinous scurf on the toenail's upper aspect, which showed a promising trace of discoloration.

A moment later, though, the view blurred as John pounded the table with his fist and bellowed, "Minecraft? The stupid buggery-arsed **game**? Listen to this tripe; 'The Water Bee is a type of Bee added by Extra Bees.' What the bloody goatsucking hell does that mean when it's at home?" 

This disruption of his work was intolerable. Sherlock straightened to his full height and swept the phone from John's hand. "Must I do everything for you, John?" he snapped and keyed in the offending sequence: "` **magic water b**`"--

And then he was laughing too hard to continue, as John scowled at him in outrage.

"Not bees, John. _Beads_. 'Magic water beads.' A water-retaining polymer formed into little decorative globes for use with cut flowers and potted plants. Has your sister taken up interior decorating?"

John blinked. Twice. And then remembered to close his mouth, which was rather a good thing considering the state of his dentistry; the British Armed Forces might provide decent health care, but their indifference toward basic aesthetics was unfortunate. Almost as bad as these water beads--

"These colours, John! Surely even your sister has better taste than to like this fluorescent fuschia-pink? What _can_ she be thinking?"

John stared at the screen and then back at Sherlock in a moment of shared horror that made Sherlock feel more kindly toward the man, despite his lack of respect for Sherlock's vital experiments.

Then the doctor shook his head like a dog coming out of a fountain. "Clara," he explained. Or at least he seemed to think that was an explanation.

" _Clara_ likes this shade of pink?"

"What? Not that I know of. Clara likes flowers."

"And...?" Sherlock drawled.

"She's visiting Harry tonight. Because Harry's sprained her ankle. And Clara always brings flowers to friends when they're indisposed, or at least she used to; Harry probably wants her to make her feel welcome, or show her gratitude, or something of the sort."

"Ah."

"So I suppose I'd best go shop for them now," said John, who ought to know better than to leave Sherlock for nonsense like this. An alcoholic sister and her ex-girlfriend; how irrelevant.

But the man did have a certain amusement value that seemed to sharpen Sherlock's wits with his very presence, so Sherlock could afford to be generous. 

"No need, John," he said a moment later, tucking John's phone absent-mindedly into his own dressing-gown pocket. "I've ordered those so-called Magic Water Beads delivered to her home."

John looked surprised for a moment, and then his eyes tightened with a barely-surpressed grin. "Which colour?" 

"I'm ashamed of you, John; I would never insult Clara with that shade of pink."

"Oh...?"

"I ordered them a proper set of the seven primary colors; I can't imagine why Americans always leave indigo off their Pride flags, but there's no reason we should follow their lead."

"Oh," said John. "Well. Thanks. That's remarkably generous of you, considering the way Harry treats you."

"Don't worry; your bank card still has several pounds credit remaining," Sherlock said, and returned to his neglected microscope with virtuous pleasure in a task well done.

**Author's Note:**

> Does anyone know how to increase/decrease font size within a story so I can enlarge Sherlock's search string instead of putting it in bold?
> 
> \---
> 
> As always, I LOVE getting crits and Britpicks. 
> 
> And I'll happily trade my own crits and (for American fandoms) Yankpicks if so desired.
> 
> \--Nonie


End file.
